"Honesty is an expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people"---Warren Buffet

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Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Broke Up With Him...What About His Family?

We received an interesting email a few weeks back but have not had a chance to post it yet in regards to how to handle the family of someone you broke up with. Here it goes:

"T$ and Ray Ray. I am writing you ladies for some unsugarcoated advice. lol. About 4 months ago I broke up with a guy I have been dating for 2 years. In the time we dated I only met or hung out with his mom on 2 occasions (she lives out of state) and in the last 6 months of our dating she would call me from time to time just to say hi. So since I have broken up with him im in a weird place bc his mom still calls me. It got even weirder a week ago when she said she was in town and wanted to hang out with me. Even his brother is bombarding my facebook wall talking about "my moms is in town and wanted to get up with you." I do not feel the guy I used to date is completely over the situation as he calls me from time to time still and ask me if I am dating etc. I don't want to be mean to his mother but at the same time I do not want to meet up with her. I feel like I am being spied on. I don't want her knowing about my life for real like that anymore bc she doesn't need to go off and tell her son. It's just weird. What do you guys think and what should I do?"

Well, well, well...that is a tough one. You broke up with ol dude so you would think his family was included in the severance of the relationship. From what you have told us, it does not seem like you were that close to his mother at all really and it doesn't appear you two have kids together so technically the only thing you owe her is respect.

We feel that his family is going hard to try to get you to hangout with his mother so she can persuade you into getting back into a relationship with her son. Honestly, what on earth would you all talk about if you went to lunch with her? Would you talk about Basketball Wives and the latest fashions? I think not. 9 times out of 10 she'd be asking you questions about your life (which she will run back and tell her son) and her son will come up as a topic...one you do not wish to discuss. Anything she has to say to you can be said over the phone.

We suggest the next time she calls you politely pick up the phone and hear what she has to say. If she is asking to take you to lunch or see you one of the following things can be done:

A. Politely explain that you are busy and won't be able to see her.

or if you got a pair of kahunas

B. Tell her that because you broke up with her son and things are still relatively fresh from the break up this is extremely awkward for you and you are not sure if this is the greatest idea for either of you at this time.

Just because you met the lady and she was nice to you doesn't mean that you have to subject yourself to awkwardness or being spied on. At the end of the day if you feel you ex is still holding on to a glimmer of hope for you all to get back together kicking it with his mother definitely is sending mixed signals.

How would you all handle this situation? Do you think she should still hang out and communicate with his mom? Let us know!
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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

When and If to Tell Your Friend About Her Man

Women are always crying "It's chicks before d*cks" and "If she was my home girl and knew something about my man she better tell me," but honestly is this really the case? It honestly seems that only about 20% of women would whole heartily be grateful for information about their man acting up, cheating, lying, or would just appreciate their friend's opinion in general about her man. So how do you know if you should tell your friend any information you know regarding her man or how you feel about him?...It's contingent on a few things:

1. The Current State of Your Friendship:

If you know your friendship has been going through the ringer with a lot of recent up and downs, the nature of your friendship has changed recently, you are acquaintances, or in your heart of hearts you know you two are frenemies...then you should NOT tell her anything in regards to her man. If you guys are the best of friends, very close, and have a solid friendship it should be expected that anything you tell her she will know is coming from a good place and a place of concern....if not...get prepared to lose a friend or permanently alter your friendship forever...and in addition do you really want to be close friends with someone who thinks you are a hater?

2. How Secure Is She?

If she has a lot of self esteem issues or image issues that means she is insecure in herself and often the status of her relationship and often the intentions of her friends...you should NOT tell her anything in regards to her man.

3. Your Relationship Status:

Unfortunately many women feel that being single is leprosy, single women can not give relationship advice, and that all single women are jealous and miserable....many would rather take the advice of a serial monogamous (meaning someone uncomfortable with being by themselves) or another woman in an abusive (emotionally or physically) relationship over a single woman. Therefore if you are single you should DEFINITELY think twice about telling your friend any information in regards to her man. There is a 90% chance it won't go over well.

4. Her Track Record:

Has she been told multiple times by multiple people about her man? Does everyone around town know he's acting up? If so there is a great chance that she knows too and she just chooses the "ignorance is bliss" road or she'd rather not confront it herself at this time. You probably should NOT tell her any information about her man.

In addition, do you know how she has reacted to other people in the past who have told her about a man she dated? If she didn't take it good and still harbors ill feelings towards a friend who has told her about a guy she has dated in the past it's safe to say you should NOT tell her any information regarding her man.

So in conclusion, not every girl adheres to girl code when it comes to telling a friend any bad information about her man. At the end of the day you should do what you would want her to do for you in the situation and not look back. If the results from telling her are bad, you did what you felt a good friend should do and that is what you can live with and sleep soundly with at night.

Have you ever told a friend about her man? If so what were the results? Do you regret it? Are you glad you did it? Let us know!

Would You Tell Your Friend About Her Man?
No, it never goes over good
Yes, because we are friends
Depends on the friend

pollcode.com free polls
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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

HonestD Box

A few weeks ago, we received an email from a young man who had read our Maybe Your Hangtime Ain't Hanging post wondering if his penis was in fact small or not. He included a picture of his male part and asked for our honest opinion...

...so we started to think...there are probably hundreds of men out there who want to know if their penis is small or not but they don't have anyone to turn to. They can't ask another guy because that's "gay", they can't ask a lover or girlfriend because she won't be honest, and they can't ask a female friend because she will try to cater to his feelings.

So why not ask us at YSUGARCOAT? Your face isn't in the picture so we can't clown you, we don't know you so we can't be nice to spare your feelings, and you can do it anonymously!

If you would like to know whether your "hangtime" is really hanging, fill out the below form and adhere to the following rules:

1. DO NOT include your real name.
2. DO NOT include your face in the picture.

We legally promise that we will keep all pictures and responses confidential and the ONLY responses or discussion in regards to the picture will be done via the email that you provide on the below form.

*By clicking submit you are legally allowing us to respond ONLY to the email you provided and you are legally stating that you have the right to use/distribute this picture.*
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First Date Ettiquette (Because Some of Yall Are F*cking Up)

Much to our dismay we have been hearing and experiencing a lot of foolery when it comes to how people are conducting themselves on first dates. This post goes for both men and women. Some of yall need to tighten up because your behavior is down right embarrasing and the subject of many great conversations we have.

1. Stay Away From Heavy Topics:

Inflammatory topics such as abortion or politics should not be shared when you intially get to know someone. We have even heard of a young man telling a woman about his suicide attempt on their first date...Now what part of the game is that?! No one wants to hear sob stories, stories that make you look emotionally unstable, or stuff that makes them angry on the first date. Since the two of you virtually know nothing about one another the basics will do just fine. Stick with current events and neutral subjects.

Example: "I am getting ready to go to Vegas. Have you ever been before?" or "Did you see the BET Awards this year? What did you think about it?"

2. Stay Away From Sexually Explicit Conversation:

It's safe to keep all conversation above the belt. It is not appropriate to ask a woman if she has "ever experimented with girls?" or "have you ever had a threesome?" or "how do you feel about oral sex?" Anything going on below the belt is none of your business at this point and since it's a first date the verdict is still out if you will even get to see her again.

3. Don't Be Overly Sarcastic:

Some people have a drier sense of humor and some people try to use humor and sarcasm when nervous. However, you should feel the person you are on the date with out first before being overly jovial with them...they may not get your jokes or humor because they don't know your personality. If you are naturally funny, then great do what you NORMALLY do...but if humor isn't your thing don't try to dive in that pool.

4. Hands Off:

Like Ron Isley said "Look yeah...but don't touch." At your grown ass age you should be able to read vibes. You can tell when a man or woman has a lot of chemistry with you or not. It would be safe to NOT try to hold someone's hand, kiss them, massage their shoulders or arms, etc on the first date. They may not be touchy feely...respect their personal space. They do not know you bruh.

5. Pick the Spot (Men):

We understand you are trying to be chivalrous but asking the woman to pick the spot is nerve racking. She doesn't know your finances. Perhaps she says Atlanta Fish Market and you were thinking your bank account looks more like Red Lobster. The proper thing to do would be to ask her "what do you have a taste for?" when she responds "Mexican" you can pick a restaurant in a good location for both of you and within your budget.

6. Order Only What You Can Eat (Ladies):

It's rude as hell if you order the appetizer, surf and turf, and dessert and then eat the food like an anorexic supermodel. If you know you can only eat a salad just order a salad. In addition NEVER refuse a box if you have a significant amount of food left on your plate.

7. Don't Drink Too Much:

We love to throw them back with the best of them...but it may be in poor taste to get sloppy drunk. Que the stories of last friday when someone fell and did a sniper roll on the ground because they were so drunk,cursing random pedestrians out,getting emotional for no reason all on the first date... umm...yeah...not a good look!

8. Keep Your Phone Out of Sight:

You don't need to give off the impression you are uninterested or let the person you are currently with witness you conversing with other people you may date. It's best to keep your phone in your purse or wallet and on vibrate. Check messages in the bathroom or when the other person leaves the table.
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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

FIGO's Has Balls!: Osteria del FIGO's Meatball Bar

FIGO's Meatball Bar is a tapas restaurant centered around the much loved hand made and rolled Italian meatball. Too often when people think Italian food they think "expensive" but at The Meatball Bar this is not the case! You have your choice of 3 meatballs for $3.95 or 7 meatballs for $6.95 and then your choice of signature dipping sauces like peperoni gialli or salsa verde. Signature drinks cost only $6.00, pitchers of sangria cost $25, and appetizers and side dishes cost as low as $2.50. (via Thrillist)

Check them out! Click here for the menu.

1210 Howell Mill Road

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Fashion Pick: Violent Lips Temporary Lipstick Tattoos

These temporary lip tattos are a little different...but we kind of like them. Maybe for a photo shoot, costume party, or just to stand out a little. Take a look below:

They run for about $13.95, include 3 lip tattos, and work just like the temporary tattoos that you used to put on as a kid. Some styles are more out there than others such as the British flag but wearing these would definitley be a statement and a converstation piece.

These kinda channel Beyonce's eye make up in her "Kitty Kat" video...but on your lips you know?

Would you wear these?

Watch the tutorial on the website. Available via Nails by Tiara. Click here
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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Taking Your Sense of Power Too Far

For some reason, people with certain jobs, professions, or who are in certain organizations can sometime get a sense of entitlement to abuse their power or to be an asshole. Perhaps these people were lames before they got their authority or perhaps they were always just assholes but never had the opportunity to fully express that. As we have ventured through life or day to day situations we have come into contact regularly with the following persons that take the little authority they feel they have and push it to the max. See below:

*DISCLAIMER: the only way you will be mad at this post is if you feel your are a loser and any of this stuff applies to you, your job, or your organization*

1. Police Officers:

True there are some who took the job because they wanted to help make the community better, but more than many are actually flash light cops playing dress up. Yes they would rather flex their power by pinning people for speeding, running red lights, parking in handicap, and being complete assholes whenever they pull someone over. They aren't about that Law & Order/CSI life which would require actually fighting real crime and dangerous situations. They love to walk around all high and mighty in their uniforms...maybe even in there leggings and riding boots riding a motorcycle...and they are pretty much pointless in stopping any crime other than a speeding ticket. Most were lames their whole lives and now that they have the power to talk to you crazy and throw you in jail they go H.A.M.

2. Security

These are worse than police officers because they have a sense of entitlement and power but would never attempt going through basic training or the police academy let alone they are not allowed to carry guns. These are the men who proudly dress in all black or Harold Penner's three piece suits like a kid on Easter Sunday and somehow believe that there $10 an hour ass is the reason the lights are on at the club or the place they are "securing". They love to act like they are a personal best friend to the owner. They hold the line a little longer than the promoter told them to, make sure everyone claiming to be on the list is double checked thoroughly, yell at everyone for no reason, demand people back up behind some arbitrary line that doesn't mean anything for maintaining order or safety...basically going through great lengths to make it hard for people to get in that they know very well are supposed to be getting in (after all it is the club patrons who are the most important part of the club and spend the money to keep it open). The funny thing is they take their asses to one of their 3 jobs to pay for their shitty apartment once they get off work feeling like somehow they have the key to the city.

3. Tow Truck Drivers, Boot People, and Parking Security:

These are the people who wait till the very second you get out of your car and do not see some inconspicuous sign and boot or tow your car within the 5 minutes you walked away. You often beg and plead with them to just give you a break or cut you a side deal where they could pocket some cash instead. The funny thing is they will turn down your money. Epitome of a real life slave and no hustler mentality.

4. Greek Fraternities and Sororities:

We know some of yall are gonna be hot hot mad at this one. While we both have parents who are greek and some chapters of greek organization are actually relevant to what the original organization was formed for, we firmly believe that most of these organizations in this day and age are complete bullshit, popularity contest, and based off who can throw the best parties, or using some letters to get the most ass. For some of them their sense of entitlement and power comes from the fact that they were lame their whole lives and the second they put on some letters they think they mean something to the world or they mean something to their bought friends. How does one allow someone their age to mistreat them, beat them, and talk to them crazy without knocking all their teeth out? Sounds lame to us. The same individual who endured this mistreatment will then go H.A.M on the next batch of people on line as if that is relevant to anything their organization stands for or as if they didn't just WILLINGLY let someone mop the floor with their ass the year before. Some even go as far as hazing people till the point they get seriously ill, injured, or die. It's not that deep, your organization is not important enough to die or get injured for. Is this a social service organization or the Marines?

5. Church Ushers:

Yeah we said it. I thought your job was to pass out the collection plate and help people easily find seats. Oh so now you are church security? You are telling people to spit out their gum and when they can and can not get up? Last time we checked that's illegal...it's called false imprisonment. Move your white glove having ass out of my way.

6. Managers:

We aren't talking about ones at fortune 500 companies...we are talking about the manager that thinks they own the department store, McDonald's, or chain store they work at. Are you not aware you are a minion? Perhaps the fact that you elevated from folding panties to having a desk in the short time of 25 years means something to you but to us it just means you are probably a lame. When someone ask you a question or you can save that smart mouth of yours. You can also stop mirco-managing your employees. Following the company handbook will never get you on the owners status but it may get you that $5 raise you have dreamed about for all these years....yeah...#killyourself

What are some other groups of people you feel who abuse power, their idea of them having power, or authority? Let us know!

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Friday, July 8, 2011

Why Black Women Seem Superficial About Their Hair

Today I was confronted with an issue I had never had come up before. A young man got angry with me when I declined to accompany him to Six Flags theme park on a date with my excuse being that I just got my hair done yesterday, dropped $85 on it, and did not want to be in the sweltering Georgia heat sweating it out. Now I mostly date black men and they usually are very receptive and understanding of the time and money spent by black women to keep their hair slanging and banging...however for him this was not the case.

I informed him that I would have gone if I literally would not have gotten my hair done only 1 day ago, but that still did not appease him (4 days after spending this type of money and time I would've been down). Upon hearing me say this he quickly ended the conversation.

I consider myself to be a very spontaneous , open minded, and well rounded woman. I will go to outdoor sporting events, go swimming, go white water rafting, go biking, I work out regularly...I do tons of activities that could mess up my hair...however I do not like to do them after dropping a bill to get my hair freshly done. So it inspired me to write an educational post for men about why black women may at times seem siddity or superficial when it comes to their hair.

1. It Cost A Lot:

The black haircare business is a multi million dollar business because black women must spend a lot of time and money to make sure their hair is healthy and presentable (with exception of some natural hair styles). Meaning that if she gets her relaxed hair done regularly she goes every two weeks (sometimes weekly if it's short) spending $40 per visit and $80-100 per visit that includes any sort of chemical treatment. Weaves cost anywhere between $50-300 or more (let's not even talk about the cost of good quality hair) but last about 3-6 weeks. Therefore:

"asking a black woman to ruin hair that she spent that much money on right after she got it done is equivalent to her asking you to play football in a muddy field after a rain storm in your brand new shoes you stood in line for when they dropped and bought yesterday."

2. It's Time Consuming:

The average black woman spends about 3+ hours in the hair salon per visit. She is lucky if she is only in there 1 hour which means her stylist is efficient, highly organized, highly skilled, and NEVER over schedules...however this is definitely NOT common.

3. It Doesn't Last Long:

After she gets her hair laid, she wants it to last to the expiration date of the hairdo. This is usually about a week. Remember the shoe scenario I gave you earlier? At least those shoes you bought would last until you decide you hate them or want to give them away.

So in short, black women are not superfical lack luster bitches...maybe you just caught her right after she got her hair done...I'm sure she would go with you under different circumstances or if her hair wasn't so "fresh".

Signing Out On That Real Talk,

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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Petition for "Caylee's Law" May Make Law a Reality

We are not going to sit here and rehash the much publicized Casey Anthony trial (and disappointing outcome), but we do appreciate the fact that the internet is being used as a mechanism to take a stand on cases of child abuse, murder, and neglect. While people can not change the verdict or bring Caylee back they are attempting to make sure this does not happen again.

A petition on Change.org has been started that would make not reporting a child's disappearance within 24 hours or death within an hour of discovery a federal offense for parents, guardians, or care givers. So far about 700,000 people have electronically signed the petition and now 8 states have proposed their versions of the law . If this law would have been in effect in Florida than Casey Anthony would be serving a significantly different amount of jail time.

We think it's ridiculous that her disappearance or death was not reported. Some people will paint the town red with flyers and phone calls to local animal shelters within hours of their family dog missing and it's legal for someone to go days without reporting a child missing?

Sign the petition below!

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Real Men Don't Get Beat?

The above image is one many of us have seen before on the MTV hit series "Teen Mom." We remember the episode when Amber punched Gary's head into the wall...the reactions on facebook and on our twitter timelines were quite different than when people talked about the Rihanna and Chris Brown incident. People were quick to say Gary was being a "pussy", "simp", and "weak." Many people were greatly entertained by it. However domestic violence is very real...and often men are the victims. Hence the email we got below:

T$ and Ray Ray,

I dunno how to start this story because it's very embarasing for me. Today the woman I live with , been in a relationship for 4 years, and take care of her kids like they are my own, laid a punch in my face infront of our kid. So I know yall may be thinking, how did this fight start? She has always been very jealous and insecure. This time it was over a facebook wall post. Our fights are usually cursing each other out, quiet treatment, throwing and messing up property, a push, a finger in the face, etc. however today it escalated to a whole new level. It started by her refusing to get out my car so I could go to work. I then open the passenger car door and physically lifted her out of the car at which point she laid one on me in the face infront of our child. She was yelling "I'm not scared to fight a man! I done it before!" Being the man I am I got in the car and peeled off. What do you all think about women hitting men? What do you think I should do? I honestly don't want to tell my mother because she will probably fight her (and win!). If I was your brother what would you tell me to do? Am I over reacting about this? She busted my lip up but nothing too serious.

"She busted my lip up but nothing too serious?"...what could get serious is her reaction to whatever your guys issues may be. As you stated in your email, things have escalated to a physical level and the severity will only get worse. Maybe she pulls a knife next time? Maybe a gun? Maybe she injures you with some hot boiled water? Honestly if you were our brother and told us this story we'd probably come and drag her. We think you should tell your mom...and you definately should've called the police on her.

The same women who readily retort to anything their mate does that upsets them with violence are the same women who would be quick to call uncles, dads, brothers, the news, and the police if the man responded by fighting back to his whole physical ability.

We don't care how hood you claim to be, how many men you fought, how much of a tomboy you are, how many fights you have been in and won

...if a man were to actually fight you like he would another man in a bar brawl
(to his full physical ability) YOU WOULD NOT WIN.
Therefore hitting a man is never ok. Unless a woman is ready to square up and fight a man like he would fight another man then she should never lift her hand to him.

We at Y SUGARCOAT? do not agree in ANYONE using physical violence in a relationship whether it be a male or a female.

We advise any man that gets hit by his mate to leave the relationship just as we
would advise a woman.

Getting beat by a woman does NOT make you a weak, a punk, a bitch, a pussy, or a simp...it means you have a great deal of maturity, respect for women, and self control because you did not retaliate by using violence or your full physical ability to retaliate against that woman because you know you would greatly injure her.

If you are or know anyone that is going through physical abuse please visit http://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Men: Have You Ever Been Hit By a Woman?
I Know Someone Who Has
I Would Retaliate
pollcode.com free polls
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