How to Politely Decline on Spending Money for the Holidays in Corporate America

It's that time of the year. Christmas songs emblazon the radio, everyone is gearing up for round two of the most fattening meal of their lives, women are swapping egg nog and Christmas cookie recipes, and people are giving during this joyous season. The problem is EVERYONE expects you to give, including your coworkers (some of who you don't like) and giving and spending money are synonymous.

Working in a corporate setting can be very stressful at Christmas because everyone wants you to give an extra $5 for just about everything and because of corporate politics, you don't want to look like Ebenezer Scrooge, but you can't go broke spending money on people you don't care that much about. I mean seriously...the recession is real, you have gifts to buy, bills to pay, and plane tickets to purchase. The last thing you need to do is play corporate kiss ass by spending money you don't have because you are expected to.

So how do you politely decline on participating in the holiday cheer at the office without looking like an asshole or jeapordizing that "team player" attitude? Well I've compiled a list of ways:

Scenario 1: You receive the chain email with all your team members CC'd on it about how you all can adopt Lil Ju Ju Bee and provide him with the best Christmas he's ever had. While this is a very honorable thing to do, you just may not have the extra funds to contribute to Lil Ju Ju Bee's bicycle. Your supervisor tells everyone to reply back that is willing to participate. What do you do?

You respond with the following "While I would love to give money to help Lil' Ju Ju Bee have a great Christmas I have to decline as I have already adopted a tot through my church and will be contributing a good deal of money towards that."

See...now you don't look like an asshole. You declined and still look like a caring member of society.

Scenario 2: Two members on your team have back to back birthdays in December and the mass email goes out about everyone contributing money to their designer bakery cakes and gift cards. Maybe you don't have the money. Maybe you just down right hate one of those team members. You can't just not respond to the email. What do you do?

You respond with the following suggestion, "Might I suggest that since a lot of us are spending a lot of money around the holidays that we combine their birthday celebrations? I will contribute by buying decorations for their cubicles."

Decorations cost under $5 dollars at the dollar tree. Problem solved, and it was solved cheaply. The only thing you will be spending is an extra 30 minutes to decorate their cubicles.

Scenario 3: The potluck is in the middle of December and unfortunately not on a pay week. You have to buy gifts for your family, buy a plane ticket home, and board your dog during your visit home. Making expensive cheese rotel with expensive ground turkey in it just isn't in the equation for you. What do you do?

You offer to bring the paper goods because paper goods for 30 people will cost your under $15 at Aldi's. Well what if your office already supplies paper goods and you can't bring that? Offer to bring the drinks. 2 liters are at an all time low. I bought 3 for $5 at Walmart for my company's Thanksgiving schindig.

Offering to bring these items saves you prep time that you could spend on more important things like watching "Love and Hip Hop" or catching a football game and most importantly, saves you money.

So there you have it, you can take the cheap way out and decline participating in the Christmas spirit in the office without looking like a complete jerk after all!

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Y SUGARCOAT? Style Pick: Statement Hosiery

It's definitely getting colder outside which means your wardrobe is going through an alteration. I personally love to wear skirts and dresses but get sick of wearing the same basic black leggings or opaque black hosiery under my sweater dresses and skirts. I like to make a statement. So here are a few different options:

These tights are an edgier option because they give off the illusion of wearing lingerie stockings with a teddy. House of Super Suspenders Tights by Pretty Polly I fell in love with them when I saw them on Rihanna. They will run you $34.00 and can be purchased at Nordstrom. I think I'll go pick up a pair soon.

I also love these:

You can cop these for $28.00 at American Apparel.

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Non-Sugarcoated Stages of Grief in a Break Up

In talking with a friend, I was inspired to do this post. For most people, the grief of a break up is similar to what a person goes through when they experience a death. A break up is the death of "us" or it symbolizes the "death" of a person and how they used to be or who they once were.

Like everyone else, I have experienced a break up or two in my lifetime that was very heart wrenching, draining, and torturous.

On the internet, I found several breakdowns of "stages" of grief during a breakup and just felt they weren't real or detailed enough. The people have spoken. Y Sugarcoat things like this?

Please note that stages 2-4 usual can really happen in any order. Also people flip flop through these stages till they reach acceptance.

1. Denial/Excuses:

Your brain recognizes sh*t ain't right and its not going to change and needs to stop but your heart is still holding on to the person. You say one of the following:

A. "that's just the way he/she is"
B. "things will get better."
C. "if I would've done X the outcome would've been Y"
D. "he/she is just going through (fill in the blank)
E. "I'm overreacting, I'm sure everyone's man/woman does this...it could be worse.

You are turning to your "yes people"...the acquaintances that tell you whatever you want to hear except the truth.

2. Anger:
You now feel like somehow this person shafted you and you definitely next to get rid of them. Sometimes the anger may be directed at self because you're angry you allowed something this person has done to you to happen:

A. "she/he ain't sh*t anyway."
B. "after all we've been through they still did me like that/left?!"
C. " how could I be so stupid?! There were a million warning signs"

You are considering throwing bricks through windshields, blasting them on social networking, beating up their new girlfriend/boyfriend...yep psycho sh*t.

3. Bargaining:

This is when you hold onto whatever little hope you can that this relationship doesn't need to end:

A. "I mean we all make mistakes right? I f*cked up too."
B. "we've been together (insert some time frame that means long) we should be able to make this work"

(sidenote: time doesn't really mean sh*t. If someone has been mistreating you and you are dwelling on the good times that were 2 years ago, or they've been mistreating you equal or longer than they've been treating you good it's a wrap ok?)

C. "this is temporary or needs to happen for her/him to appreciate me" or the famous "if it's meant to be it will be in the future."

At this stage you are making emotionally unhealthy decisions like still having sex with the person, still buying them gifts, taking them on dates, and generally doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff with them in hopes this whole thing will blow over.

4. Depression:

You are now reminiscing on the good times, not sleeping, not eating, worrying about what the other person is doing and if they found someone else, feeling sorry for yourself, crying in the shower and for no reason, asking or believing that you will never feel this way about anyone ever again. Yep, we call this the suicide watch stage.

Once again you are on that emotionally unhealthy tip. You are drinking and smoking too much, eating too much, sleeping too much, going on dates just so you won't be alone, running through hoes just to make yourself feel better, having casual sex with people from your past, running the breakup story past your friends for the 30th time...general stuff you'll regret in 2 months.

5. Acceptance:

You are at peace with the break up. You want to move on with your life and wash your hands clean of the relationship and all the emotions tied with it. While you may not be 100% cool with seeing your ex with another person or even dating a new person you are at a healthy place where you can enjoy life again and be optimistic about the future.

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Sex or Race: R. Kelly vs. Sandusky

I came across an article where writer Mo Kelly of "The Mo Kelly Report" stated the following:

If you check those same Black media outlets decrying the mistreatment of Black children in Pennsylvania, you will likely find write-ups celebrating the impending release of the forthcoming R. Kelly CD…Black Panties.

It’s ok to promote the alleged Black pedophile and his project Black Panties, while simultaneously assail[ing] Penn State and Jerry Sandusky?

Really?

Are we more willing to accept abusers who look like “us?”

So is that true? While I am not sure I fully agree with that statement I don't see this as race thing, but more of a sex thing. It appears that a lot of society may be more disturbed about a grown man introducing homosexuality to an under aged boy than they are disturbed by a grown man engaging in sex with an under aged girl.

Often times, when an under aged girl is violated, there is a side of society that feels that these under aged girls are "fast" and partially responsible. I must say that I have heard a lot of people quick to condemn the girl in R.Kelly's situation for being a young slut despite the fact R. Kelly has a history of being attracted to under aged girls (Aaliyah and child pornography charges).

Let me state my issues with Mo' Kelly's statement...

1. Not EVERYONE Black Still Supports R. Kelly:

I am black and I do not support R. Kelly. That statement does not apply to me. Whether a man has sex with and under aged or barely of age boy or girl the fact of the matter is still the same. That grown adult man STILL took advantage of an under aged person and it is against the law and disgusting.

Since the human port-a-potty situation, R. Kelly has lost a great deal of his fan base and will always be known as Mr. Piss on You. He is the butt of many jokes (think Dave Chapelle's parody on R. Kelly) and can not live that down.

2. Both Men Are Disgusting:

I feel that both men are disgusting. In one case a man violated children who came to him from and underprivileged situation who needed a male role model and he took advantage of that situation by using them for his own sick sexual fantasies. In the other situation, a man took advantage of a girl who was probably star struck like many teenage girls and used her face as a toilet for his own sick sexual fantasies.

Do you agree with Mo' Kelly's statement? Is this a race thing or a sex of the violated party thing? Is one predator given more forgiveness by society than the other?

Who Is Society More Forgiving of for Being a Disgusting Predator?
	R. Kelly
	Sandusky
	Neither both are not accepted
	Men who pray on young girls
	Men who pray on young boys
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Why FEMA Ain't Sh*t

So last week I open the mail and find this....

Wait....what? You are telling me I owe $2,000 dollars of money rewarded to me from hurricane Katrina because I didn't verify my occupancy? Better yet are you saying it's due in 30 days? Didn't this happen 6 years ago?

Now I understand why FEMA wants to make sure people didn't falsify records to essentially steal money from the government or use money unneeded when I hear songs like the following by 10th Ward Buck (listen below):

However just because he's talking about spending the money to go shopping I still feel he's entitled to it because he lived in New Orleans during Katrina and lost his home and all his possessions...what someone chooses to with the money is their own deal. However, I had the following issues with this letter and better yet what the representative had to say to me on the phone

1. Why am I getting the first notification EVER about the fact I need to verify my residency during the storm 6 years later?! Her response: "We sent you a letter in 2005 asking you to verify your residency." Oh...ok...so you sent a letter to an address in a city that had become the Lost City of Atlantis and where most people had evacuated. That makes sense.

2. If the money was wired to me in a bank in Kansas City and I provided a forwarding address why the hell wouldn't you have used that forwarding address about...I dunno...5 years ago? Her response: "We called you on your cellphone number in 2008." Oh...ok...because it's not possible that I got a new cellular phone number. That makes sense.

3. If I lived in an apartment how would I be able to verify that I lived there 6 years ago? Her response: "Provide a utility bill." Oh...ok....let me find that 6 year old utility bill. Perhaps it washed up somewhere in the city and I can go hunt it down.

GTFOH

Bottom line is the government is working overtime to collect money from people who they KNOW can't verify their residency because of the circumstance of the hurricane, which is ratchet as all hell. I am lucky that I lived in a residence hall on my campus at the time. If you lived on campus follow these steps for your appeal:

1. Locate the address where you are supposed to send your appeal documentation. It's not the same address as the one on the envelope and it may be different depending on where when you recieved the funds and you were relocated.

2. Contact your school's fiscal office and have a copy of your payment statement sent to you showing you paid tuition which included housing.

3. Contact your school's housing department. They will draft a letter (which I am told FEMA has been accepting) stating you lived on campus during this time.

4. Draft a letter explaining why you are appealing having to pay the money back and what documentation you are enclosing. Make sure it's notarized. Also make sure your FEMA number, the disaster number, and the last 4 of your social are enclosed on ALL documents you send. Also send a photo copy of your ID with this

5. Fax AND mail the package to the FEMA. Make sure to keep a copy for yourself. Do it ASAP as you have 30 days to either return/pay the money or 60 days to appeal.

This is a prime example of this whole 99% and 1% thing. I can only imagine the people who are struggling to get documents out of some archive to appeal having to pay money back to them.

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Baby Mama Drama

What's up. I wanted to run this situation by you all and ask do you think its triffling or what you think I should do. My baby mama told me my daughter needed a new pair of kicks for school so I sent $100 home with my daughter so her mama could get them for her. Fast forward today. I pick my daughter up from school and she has on a pair of walmart sneakers so I ask her "where are your new shoes?" she responds "these are my new shoes daddy." I know those shoes were probably no more than $20. Her mama probably used the extra money to get her hair and stuff done. I'm sick of it. She has my daughter in raggedy clothes from cheap places but when she hits the streets she looks like a million dollars. How can I stop this from happening?

That sounds like your baby mama may be using you as a piggy bank. While I feel a woman is entitled to financial help after having a man's child, I do not feel she is entitled to abuse the funds...they should be used for her child and the lifestyle of the child. It's horrible when you say you are always giving her money only to have your daughter returned to you looking like a pauper and her mom looking like a Ferragamo ad in Vogue magazine. While I am no family attorney let me give you advice of what my friend who has a baby mama did to help "ensure" his money was being used on his daughter.

1. Pay You Child Support On Time: While you have no control over what your baby mama does with this money, I would hate to see your daughter go without. Sorry...not much can be done in this department.

2. Gift Card Control System: When your baby mama ask for extras like "Lil' Woman needs some new sneakers" get a gift card to footlocker. This ensures the money must be spent there. It makes it harder for her to buy your daughter cheap stuff and use the remainder of the money for her own lifestyle.

3. Daddy Buy It: When your baby mama ask you for extras just say "ok that's fine, I'll stop by the store and pick it up for her." This also is a way to make sure the money goes directly to your child.

It's definitely a sticky subject, but I think you can still be a parent to your daughter and ensure she is taken care of and has the things she needs.

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What's The Difference Between Spanking and Abuse?

The following video, which is going viral and is even emblazened on CNN, was brought to my attention by my friend Danielle Salmon:




So is this video an example of spanking or abuse and what is the difference?

As a child I regularly got spankings...I was a bad kid (I mean BAD) and timeouts, grounding, or calling me by my full name was just not going to cut it. In the Black community, spanking is a normal form of discipline and punishment and it's not considered abuse by any means. Many of my Black friends were regularly spanked when they were young and today they are outstanding adults with no issues as result of having to either "pick a switch" (switch= small tree branch. The more green the more painful, and Lord please don't let it have leaves), getting beat with belts, extension cords, and various other household items.

So what is the difference between spankings and abuse? Here's what I feel they are:

1. Abuse leaves severe tissue damage, psychological damage, and wounds while spankings may leave a few welts and minimal bruises.

2. Spankings are a direct result of something done wrong or against the rules (i.e. breaking something and lying about it, mouthing off, etc.) while abuse is done by anything that triggers the abuser or virtually for no reason (i.e. how you are cleaning the kitchen makes me want to punch you.)

3. Spankings occur below the belt on the legs or ass and consist of swatting at, slapping, or using an object such as a belt, spoon, hand, switch, etc. Abuse would be using fist, punching your child in the face or stomach, kicking, or anything done in a bar brawl.

I classify the above video as spanking, a harsher form of spanking, but spanking and not beating. Did her parents need to double team her? Probably not. Should she have been cussed at? Probably not. Would other methods of discipline work? Probably so...especially because she is 16. I don't recall getting spanking after I left elementary school, it seemed after elementary ages other things proved to be harsher forms of discipline for me (i.e. not letting me go to a slumber party, taking away my car keys, etc.)

What do you all think? Was the above video abuse? Is spanking abuse? Does spanking teach kids agressive behavior?

Is Spanking Abuse?
	Yes
	No
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