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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Epic Fail: "Mistress of Atlanta" TV Series in the Works?

According to tweets of the popular stripper/rapper arm candy Maliah Michel, a pilot for a show entitled “Mistresses of Atlanta,” is being shot and possibly coming to a TV near you soon.


It seems like now days the only way to watch a good television show starring actors with talent is to pay exorbitant fees for HBO or other premium channels. It’s bad enough to be bombarded with reality shows that feature African-American women who pride themselves on who they procreate with, whose man has the most money, getting into fist fights, and other various embarrassing debacles…this show is sure to be the whipped cream with the sprinkles on top of the cake of embarrassment. Furthermore, it is television shows like these that feature a predominately Black cast that help perpetuate the worst kinds of stereotypes about African-American women and men. Television stations are constantly increasing the shock value of reality shows to increase their popularity which often times means the ignorance level must increase as well.

Click HERE to read the rest of T$ article for Your Black World
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Monday, January 30, 2012

Hypothetically Mixed: The Black Child in the White Suburbs

A hypothetical zebra. Too black for the white kids, and too white for the inner city Black kids. What is the station of the Black child who grows up in predominately white populated suburban areas? How do they develop a healthy racial identity?

I grew up in Johnson County, a predominately white suburban area in Kansas. For the first 14 years of my life, I was surrounded with friends, classmates, and teammates that looked absolutely nothing like me. My highschool graduating class had roughly 400 students but only 5-10 were African-American. While some may argue that this equipped me for the real world, or taught me how to co-exist and adapt to other races, I often times felt alone and out of place.

Click HERE to read the rest of T$'s article for YourBlackWorld.com
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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Don't Be Bitter About Valentine's Day

So Valentines day is coming up and people on my Twitter timeline and Facebook news feed are already acting up.

Just because a man and woman did you wrong in the past or because your currently not in a relationship doesn't mean you should go ham, turkey, and cheese dissing the holiday or pissing and moaning about it and love. If you have done or are thinking about doing the following...stop and shut the fuck up.

1. "I'm throwing an anti-Valentine's day party."---just fucking stop...why are you making a celebration for a holiday you hate? Sounds bitter as hell to me.

2. "I'm wearing all black on Valentine's day."---get your ass on someone's couch and talk to a professional about why some loser from the past is STILL effecting your life in the present and making you miss your blessings by dedicating a whole day to hate the memory of him/her.

3. "Valentine's day is a commercialized holiday."---so is EVERY other holiday that you probably readily celebrate. Get over it. It's America...we commercialize everything.

4. "I don't believe in Valentine's day because you should treat your man/woman 365 days a year."---you should celebrate God 365, but you still celebrate Christmas right? You should be grateful for your parents 365 but you still celebrate Mother's and Father's day...what's your point? Yeah...irrelevant...

Look people it's just another holiday. If you and your loved one do it big to express love for each other on the day, so be it. Do you. If you two are laid back on the day, so be it. Do you. And if you're single this year on Valentine's day let others be happy, treat yourself because you love yourself, or proceed with life as usual, but miss me with that bitter shit.
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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Jay-Z Isn't Using the Word "Bitch" Anymore? Bitch Please!

The hip-hop and rap community is always getting critiqued. Critiqued for violent content, for lack of content, and lastly, critiqued because of it's role in objectifying and degrading women. In light of the birth of Blue Ivy, Jay-Z, an undisputed major league figure in hip hop, announced he would no longer be using the word "bitch."

I'm just like everyone else...I often times get crunk in the car to ignorant rap songs that objectify women, and while this could be viewed as support of such behavior, I still applaud any small steps towards the hip-hop community taking responsibility for it's role in reinforcing the stereotype that black women are worthless hoes to be used for sex only and attempting to correct this. (I won't go into how I feel the women who contribute in these videos etc are responsible to, bc that's a different post).


So marrying Beyonce's ass wasn't enough to make you stop wanting to use the word bitch? BITCH PLEASE!

Seriously...it goes to show you how narcassitic celebrities can be. For years Jay-Z has been calling other people's mothers, daughters, nieces, cousins, and sisters bitches, degrading them in music, and all of the sudden he has a daughter and he wants himself and the world to adhere to new rules because his child has a vagina? That's like one of these "fix a flat" fake doctors who go around putting fake asses on women turning their nose up on other "fix a flat" fake doctors and wanting to only go to a board certified doctor for their own plastic surgery.

It's all fun and games for these rappers, athletes, and other famous men to have half naked girls in their videos, call them bitches, gang bang them, make them baby mamas instead of wives, etc. until their daugthers hit about age 16. Yeah shit gets real when your daughter gets pretty, starts wearing makeup, grows a set of boobs, ass, thighs, and curves, and start having guys want to do the EXACT SAME THINGS to/with them.

They say having a girl is the "players curse." Not how true that is, but I can definitely see how it can make a man regret any woman he scorned. One of the guys I dated once said his father told him, "I'm so glad you are a boy, because instead of having to worry about 1,000,000 d*cks, I just have to worry about one."

Jay-Z may have preached he had "99 problems but a bitch ain't one," but when little Blue Ivy gets of age he has one daughter and 99 dicks could be 99 problems. *Kanye Shrug*
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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Why "Hoes Be Winning"

Hoes be Winning. It's a statement that is popularly spat out on social media sites, blogs, and in general conversation. It seems that since the rise of the big assed and breasted video vixen, and celebrity men readily wifing and taking strippers and porn stars to red carpet events, this statement is used to describe women who's employment can be stated on their taxes as "professional leg spreaders."

What does this saying mean to you? What does it mean to society? More importantly how is it possible and what is your definition of "winning"?

1. Heaux Win Because Men Are Superficial:

Gasp! It's not just women who can be superficial gold diggers. Men are always complaining about how superficial women are when in reality they themselves are quite superficial. It is this basic ass attraction that allows them to wife a heaux just so they can say their broad is badder than the next mans. We will use some celebrities as examples:

A. Drake--- He was allegedly dating Serena Williams, a woman who is undoubtedly talented and accordinging to reports, not sexually lose. He dumps her for Dollicia Bryant. While Dollicia is by many standards, more attractive than Serena, reports show that Dollicia Bryant has been pressed more than the Sunday paper by half of the men in the music industry, plus she's a freaking idiot (See my article about why I think she is dumb as a box of rocks here).

B. Kanye--- He left his self sufficient, college educated, fashion designer, low-key, and attractive fiance and later wifed up Amber Rose. People always make the argument "Amber Rose is down to earth and bad as hell" (I agree with the bad part but not down to earth part) but the fact still remains, she was once a stripper, and has leaked so many explicit naked pictures that I think I'm her personal gynecologist. Everyone who has access to the internet has seen all the folds of her inner vaginal walls basically.

As pointed out to me by my friend Adam, the usage of the term celebrity is so loosely used that because ANYONE can be a celebrity (talented or not) that means ANYONE can be wifed up (talented or not).

2. Men Don't Understand Ferrari's Are for Fun NOT Everyday:

What I mean by this is the following. While your dream in life may be to bone the stripper, video heaux, or porn star who is more attractive than the average "good girl" you should do just that. Keep that heaux in the bedroom only. I will illustrate this example with cars. People who own Ferrari's do not drive them everyday, they are for show (holidays, events, hot summer days, Sunday drives, etc.) and so should be the heaux. Just because she looks good doesn't mean she should be wifey. Why don't people who own Ferrari's drive them everyday? The liability is too high, the gas cost too much, and honestly they aren't reliable cars...just like the heaux. Hence why the Ferrari owner has a reliable everyday car that is stable, is better on gas, and also looks good, but doesn't look as good as the Ferrari such as a BMW...so should be the women men should seek. Don't make "Ferrari's" into "everyday cars."

3. What is Your Definition of Winning?

So someone may apply the phrase "hoes be winning" to someone like VH1's "Love and Hip Hop" cast member Kimbella or maybe even Chrissy (before you object to Chrissy being considered a heaux check her rap sheet...google her). Are these ladies really winning?

1. They are not really financially stable as they are not wives. Most do not have a real skill or career to fall back on if the celebrity they are with left them meaning they would not have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

2. They don't have what they want in relationships:
  • Emily has been with a man who she has a kid with for 9 years and he doesn't claim her
  • Chrissy is doing circus tricks to force a proposal out of a guy she has been with for 7 years. Then she is saying basic bitch shit like, "even if we never get married I know I'm Mrs. Jones" Jim Jones has not had a hit since..yeah...I don't even freaking know.
  • Kimbella is not married and Juelz Santana is constantly getting busted out by groupies he cheats on her with and he hasn't had a hit since 2005.

4. Hoes Get Wifed for a Reason?

As pointed out by my friend Karrah, the reason why a man (and I use this term loosely) may choose to wife a heaux is because he is not ready to be an adult. Only a heaux or woman with no talent, no skills, and nothing to loose will let you dog her out for years. Think "Love and Hip Hop." Would a respectable female doctor, lawyer, or business woman really let a man string her along for 7 years and crawl on all fours begging for a proposal? She would be more likely not to put up with that shit.

So in conclusion, do "hoes be winning"? I guess it's all a matter of who you look up to, how you define winning, and how much self respect you have.
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Monday, January 9, 2012

Why Sending D*ck Pictures is Lame

Death to the d*ck picture. I mean seriously...do y'all really think that's sexy or that makes girls think "wow look at his d*ck. I need to get on that!" Some of you men took the Saturday Night Parody "D*ck In A Box" a little to literally. Peen pictures are not sexy gifts mkay? Here's some news...
"90% of women do not find d*ck pictures sexually arousing"--T$ Bureau of Statistics
. I'm a firm believer that men who regularly pass peen pictures out to women like candy at a parade were sexual molested as boys...it's wack...here's why.

1. Penises Are Ugly:

While I'm a straight female and I like men, let's face it...most penises look like discolored salami rods. The length and girth doesn't change this fact. Sorry...I'd rather my man send me a picture of him looking good as hell in a suit or tuxedo to get me going.

2. Women Aren't As Visual of Men:

Men are visual creatures. Hence why you guys like throwing rent and car note money on strippers who won't date you, love porn, and constantly request women to send you "sexy pictures". Women generally don't regularly partake an any of the aforementioned activities. We are sexual aroused by mental stimuli in conjunction with visual (because no one is attracted to or wants to screw ugly folks)

3. Men Don't Pay Attention to Details:

You didn't notice you have hamburger meat like pubes all in the picture? You didn't realize the hand holding your unit is ashy? You didn't realize your dirty socks are in the background of the picture? See this killed the whole thing...dried her up like the Sahara Desert.

So take my advice, don't send a peen picture unless it was requested. Honestly, they aren't good "gifts"

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Monday, January 2, 2012

Hating on the Next Broad: Relaxed vs. Natural Hair

As an African American woman, I have so many options of how I would like to wear my hair. Relaxed, weaved up, dreaded, braided, natural, texturized, short, long, medium. However I have a few issues with what I have been seeing and experiencing lately in regards to Black women hating on each other based off how the next woman chooses to wear her hair.

1. Just because You Wear Your Hair Natural Doesn't Mean Your Hair Requires No Work.

A. You are STILL required to brush it.
B. You are STILL required to moisturize it.
C. ...and you are STILL required to style it to some degree.

I have seen a number of women who think their natural hair requires NO maintenance. The result? You have a big dread on top of your head and it looks like a dry ass tumble weed or brillo pad that I scrub my pots with. No need to look homeless. Wearing your hair natural is a choice, embrace it, have some self pride and take care of yourself.

2. Your Hairstyle Doesn't Make You Better Than Anyone:

Just because you choose to wear your hair natural doesn't make you more in touch with your "roots" than the next bitch. Just because I wear a relaxer doesn't make me better or more attractive than anyone. A BLACK woman invented the relaxer, and not everyone wears a perm to conform to "society ideals" or cope with self hatred. I like to wear my hair short, therefore to make sure it lays down right a perm/relaxer is necessary.

Just because someone uses chemicals in her hair they are not going to die. Once again, many of these chemicals have been around for CENTURIES. While often caustic, if applied by a professional, they are safe. You have a better chance of dying from mixing ammonia and bleach while cleaning your bathroom than applying a chemical to your head. *Kanye Shrug*

A lot of "natural" hairstyles are gorgeous and very becoming. It's honestly amazing how strong and diverse the hair is of Black women. Why must black women be like crabs in a barrel? Always pulling down the next woman and picking her apart of wearing a perm/relaxer or wearing her hair natural. Just let that bitch live and do you!

3. Almost No One's Hair is Really Natural:

If you have one of the following your hair is not that "natural":

1. Color
2. Texturizer
3. Just about any hair product that is not completely organic

Just get over it...we all cheat...permed up, natural, weaved up, braided up....whatever.

I'm getting off my soap box now and getting ready to head to dinner with my girls. Had to get that off my chest for 2012!
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