"Honesty is an expensive gift. Do not expect it from cheap people"---Warren Buffet

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Sunday, July 29, 2012

You Can't Find Love In the Club?

It is no secret, men and women have different view points on many subjects.  However, every once and awhile it's amazing me some of the stark differences in view point that each party can have on a subject.  It's conversations like these that I value and part of the reason I suggest that everyone get some true friends of the opposite sex (not one's trying to bang you) and just sit down and talk to them about all kinds of topics.  Cue the conversation I had with one of my best friends, Harry (a full blooded American straight male) last week.  Harry revealed to me the meaning of the old adage "you can't find love in the club," by telling me that men put women in categories with how and where they meet them (i.e. wifey material is not meet out at a club, lounge, or bar but by chance or through friends, work, school, etc.)  He even stated that he just can not take a girl serious he has meet in certain scenarios even after getting to know her better.  Furthermore, Harry went on to say that 90% of the men out at a club/lounge/bar are NOT relationship material...they are there to find someone to fuck.  

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Monday, July 16, 2012

Bad Cat: Reasons A Grown Woman Would Smell Like Fish

As a woman, I do not understand why your vagina would ever smell like a seafood boil.  We have a doctor dedicated to our vagina, estheticians and nurse practitioners who specialize on removing hair from it, not to mention a whole aisle of products dedicated to it's upkeep.  However, there are still a few of you who just don't get it.  It's not normal to be able to "smell" yourself.

Recently at my office, the bathroom and WHOLE floor by the bathroom has become a HSMAT area after an unknown woman uses the bathroom.  This bewilders and dumbfounds me for the following reasons:

1.  How is that possible you are not aware you vagina is that odorous?
2.  How is that possible you don't know there is an issue because if your vagina smells like that I know it's on FIRE straight wacka flocka flames status.
3.  How are you married/in a relationship?  During intercourse we can only expect it would get even more stank as you get more aroused...ugh
4.  Do you honestly think other women can smell themselves when they drop their pants or wipe themselves after peeing?

This is a PSA for women, and men alike...because if a woman smells that horrible downstairs, it's definitely NOT from a period or skipped shower and it's definitely NOT normal (you should definitely not be so thirsty to still have sex with her).  It's something REAL going on in her panties and it's probably one of the following:

Bacterial Vaginosis (BV):

This is caused by an over abundance of natural bacterial in your vagina.  It can occur for the same reasons yeast infections occur, because you have been having anal-vaginal cross contamination, because you have been having raw sex with a man who is having raw sex with another woman, or because the man you are having raw sex with has a pH that doesn't mesh well with the pH of your vagina.  Typically symptoms involve a fishy smell, smell like a garbage disposal, or like a ham sandwich.  Usually the discharge is over abundant or super thick.  It can be itchy or it can burn.  Over the counter meds are not available and a douche will not help (please never use a douche anyway for any reason).  I don't believe in homeopathic remedies for vaginas...just go to the doctor ASAP.


If you let that go untreated...we can smell you coming.  Antibiotics are necessary for you and any sexual partner you may have...once again...a doctor is needed.

...still think healthcare shouldn't be free and available to everyone????  Then have fun running into women with stuff like this going on in their drawls.

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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Are You Thick or Fat?

It's summertime.  Men rejoice as women shed conservative clothing for short skirts, shorts, halter tops, bikinis, and other staple summer gear.  However...some of you bitches have a little too much meaty flesh to be wearing so little.  While walking around the French Quarter, drink in my hand, not a care in the world,  I made an observation which lead to a T$ statistic:

"During Essence Music Festival, 80% of the women in New Orleans had the average dress size of 18"

Not to say that big can't be beautiful...but if you wear anything over a size 12...you're a big gurl.  The issue I have is NOT at all with the size of the women, but more the size of their clothing which leads me to believe that these larger women have listened to various rap songs laced with lyrics about a "thick ass," and then applied that to not only their ass but their stomach, arms, neck, back, etc.  The real issue is there are a lot of women who think they are thick that are actually fat.  Sorry bitch.   I mean there are packs of whales walking the streets (or should I say beached on the streets in packs) wearing little to nothing all because they think they are thick.

Therefore I have come up with classification system of categories for different sizes.  I have also made picture examples.

If you think you're thick and you don't look like the following ladies...then you are not thick...there's a 99.9% chance you are fat:

Notice the thick legs and asses and breast but flat stomachs????  Yeah...that's thick

Here is my classification system for weight/size:

Category 1: Slim 
 ex: Kelly Rowland, Rihanna, Eva Pigford

Category 2: Thick 
ex: Beyonce, Venus

Category 3: Chunky Monkey 
ex: Trina (she has rolls on her freakin neck!), Buffy the Body (I’m sorry, but that is too much ass…),

Category 4: Fat 
ex: Kim from "The Parkers", Kelly Price (after weight loss), Missy Elliott, Queen Latifah

Category 5: Obese 
ex: Monique, Kelly Price (before weight loss)

Category 6: Morbidly Obese (believe it or not this is medical terminology morbidly obese means that your body fat is over 40%)
ex: Aretha Franklin, Eddie Murphy's character in Norbit
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