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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Are You Thick or Fat?

It's summertime.  Men rejoice as women shed conservative clothing for short skirts, shorts, halter tops, bikinis, and other staple summer gear.  However...some of you bitches have a little too much meaty flesh to be wearing so little.  While walking around the French Quarter, drink in my hand, not a care in the world,  I made an observation which lead to a T$ statistic:

"During Essence Music Festival, 80% of the women in New Orleans had the average dress size of 18"

Not to say that big can't be beautiful...but if you wear anything over a size 12...you're a big gurl.  The issue I have is NOT at all with the size of the women, but more the size of their clothing which leads me to believe that these larger women have listened to various rap songs laced with lyrics about a "thick ass," and then applied that to not only their ass but their stomach, arms, neck, back, etc.  The real issue is there are a lot of women who think they are thick that are actually fat.  Sorry bitch.   I mean there are packs of whales walking the streets (or should I say beached on the streets in packs) wearing little to nothing all because they think they are thick.

Therefore I have come up with classification system of categories for different sizes.  I have also made picture examples.

If you think you're thick and you don't look like the following ladies...then you are not thick...there's a 99.9% chance you are fat:

Notice the thick legs and asses and breast but flat stomachs????  Yeah...that's thick

Here is my classification system for weight/size:

Category 1: Slim 
 ex: Kelly Rowland, Rihanna, Eva Pigford

Category 2: Thick 
ex: Beyonce, Venus

Category 3: Chunky Monkey 
ex: Trina (she has rolls on her freakin neck!), Buffy the Body (I’m sorry, but that is too much ass…),

Category 4: Fat 
ex: Kim from "The Parkers", Kelly Price (after weight loss), Missy Elliott, Queen Latifah

Category 5: Obese 
ex: Monique, Kelly Price (before weight loss)

Category 6: Morbidly Obese (believe it or not this is medical terminology morbidly obese means that your body fat is over 40%)
ex: Aretha Franklin, Eddie Murphy's character in Norbit


  1. Love the classification system!

  2. To bad that fat people aren't smart enough to know and realize the difference between fat and thick.

  3. I know I'm fat. I wish other women would realize it too and not set themselves up for criticism.

  4. I wish you could post this all over the state of Alabama, cause they are really out of hand here!!!!

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. The categorys are stupid

  7. beyonce's like a hybrid between thick and slim


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