In browsing through tweets today I noticed a retweet of one of my friends that read
"@GyamfiPedigree: Like what is the point of getting Ass Naked in a man bed, spending the night and Not fucking Him! #GrowUp"
...and with that tweet we realized that often times ADULT
women are guilty of sending mixed signals to guys about when or if sex is going to be served up on a silver platter. As women we control when and if sex is going to go down and it's okay to not be ready to go "the extra mile" with a guy...but if you aren't, there are certain situations that should be avoided. Read the below to determine if you have ever done these things and more importantly if you are currently doing these things because if so this behavior needs to come to a hault...many of us have been guilty of these things, but after a certain age this conduct just isn't cute anymore ladies.
1. The Location & Time:
Ladies, if you date or chill with a guy and you all have chemistry he is going to be sexually attractive to you and vicea versa(and there is nothing wrong with that)...however in certain situations men can not think past their sexual desires and they will try you. In some of these instances you can not get offended that he did because you sent signals out that you were hot and bothered and ready to take it there. If you are not ready you should avoid hanging with the man at these times and places:
A. His bedroom:
I know it's not rocket science but inside a bedroom there is a bed and generally only two things take place on a bed; sleeping and sex. Although this is not rocket science for some reason we continuously hear stories about women who enter a man's bedroom and lay with him under the covers with no intention on having sex. When you get in a man's bed the only thing he can thinking is "bawchicawahnwahn"
If the guy you date of chill with lives in a studio apartment set up (i.e. the bed and living room are synonymous) it is important that you avoid doing activities that require you to be on his bed at all cost if you do not want to have sex with him.
Anytime past 10pm is booty call hours. If you go over to a man's house at anytime past this hour to hang out with him it can be assumed that you are spending the night and you are willing to give up that ass. DO NOT
venture to a man's house after the club and climb into his bed if you are not willing to take off those drawls.
In addition your conduct around him should not give him signals he should be playing R.Kelly "Seems Like Your Ready" on his ipod speakers and pulling condoms out of his drawer. Do not allow the man to finger you, kiss your neck, suck your breast, eat you out, get you half naked, take off ANY article of your clothing, give him a hand job, play "just the head" game, play "just a kiss on it" game, etc. if you do not plan on having sex with him. Although you like this man and you are sexually attracted to him as well, you should conduct yourself in a way you would have in the courting stages of dating...there can be cuddling, there can be kissing, but if you do not want to have sex with him just yet this cuddling and kissing should not be overly sexual and it should be done at appropriate times and appropriate locations as to not give off mixed signals you are ready for baby making practice.
In addition do not do the following:
A. Have Sleepovers:
He is not your homegirl and he is not gay. If a sleepover MUST
happen (i.e someone is to drunk to drive home, it starts sleeting, etc.) than someone needs to catch the sofa. Be firm about letting him that sex is NOT going down by saying something like "I don't think you should drive in this condition. I have extra pillows and blankets so you are welcome to sleep on my sofa."
B. Get Too Drunk Around Him:
Some of us are guilty of acting "overly friendly" when intoxicated and when drunk your true feelings and personality are guaranteed to come out. If you are hanging out with a guy who you have feelings for and you are sexually attracted to, it is a good idea to curb your drink intake so that you do not put yourself in a compromising situation where he tries to play the "just the head" game.
We have heard countless stories from our male friends who sit on the phone having anything short of phone sex with a woman who has NO INTENTIONS
on delivering what she is talking about anytime soon. Do not talk about sex, sex positions, how great your head giving skills are, how great your sex skills are, how you hate wearing panties, all the sex toys you have, all the lingerie you have, how horny you are, the things you want to do to him, and the things you want him to do to you if you have no intentions on acting out these things with him anytime in the near future.
: Part of adult relationships in 2011 is sex...and it's a VERY
big part of relationships but if you are not ready you should not give off these signals as it can be interpreted as a sign of immaturity, teasing, or cause unnecessary drama with someone you have great potential with. Sending mixed signals about sex to a man is equvialent to having a man talk a bunch of shit to you about how he is going to take you out shopping, on vacation, or to a fancy dinner and then not delievering....you'd be more pissed and annoyed than if you were on your period on a 10 hour roadtrip with a bunch of wild kids and no tampons...PISSED