Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Y SUGARCOAT? Dictionary: Define Groupie
Groupie: a person who chases after someone of status in hopes of receiving their acknowledgement in order to validate themselves as an important person.
This is yet another term thrown around loosely in today’s society. Please note that both MEN and WOMEN can be groupies. Please also be advised that if you are not famous, rich, or do not have serious status, than YOU DO NOT HAVE GROUPIES and must stop using this terminology. A groupie and a golddiger can be very close to being the same thing however they are not synonymous because the groupie is a groupie for self validation…he or she feels the most important in the presence of someone with money, fame, or power and they will do this at all cost...even their self dignity.
A groupie is the woman who stares longingly into the VIP while sipping on water and dancing so the crotch of her panties shows in hopes that the man she is seeking will allow her entrance into her version of heaven on earth the VIP lounge with him playing the role as her version of the closest thing to God on earth. She wants to be there because she wants to be snapped in pictures with the celebrity man of status and placed on blogs with captions under that picture that read “who is that girl so in so was with last night?” She will than call all her friends and family and tell them to go to the blog webpage to check out her picture with (fill in the blank with your favorite actor, athlete, singer, rapper) as if she is forwarding them to an article about her in TIME magazine praising her for finding a cure for cancer. Only job requirement: No self respect.
Please refer back up to Example 1 just replace “she” with “he” eliminate the part about dancing with panties out and add a part about waiting hand and foot on the celebrity woman never making himself “her man” but more so her bitch. Also add a part about him flooding his Facebook and Twitter with mentions of her name and telling all the guys in the barbershop about his "girlfriend" making sure to never refer to her as such but refer to her by her full name in case someone does not who is talking about. They must understand he is “dating” the one and only (fill in the blank with your favorite actress, singer, female rapper, female athlete). Only job requirement: No self respect.
A groupie is the man who is part of the entourage who has the specific duty of rolling weed, ironing clothes, making drinks, holding money, picking up girls by using the celebrity's name (essentially using another man’s dick to pick up women), going on food runs, and basically performing all duties a personal assistant would perform without getting paid. Their payment is simply being able to say they are (insert name of your favorite rapper, singer, actor, athlete)’s homeboy. They also serve as the celebrities “yes” person…they are under no circumstances to perform the duties of a real friend by telling the celebrity that they are doing wrong for fear that they will get cut off from being the “help.” Only job requirement: No self respect.
Please refer back up to Example 3 just remove “he” with “she” eliminate the part about picking up girls and add a part about carrying purses, picking up clothes from designers, being the ugly girl in the picture so that (fill in the blank with your favorite actress, singer, female rapper, female athlete) looks even prettier, and of course swatting away paparazzi, and getting into fights at the club for the starlet so that the starlet does not mess up her good girl image. Once again, only job requirement: No Self Respect.
If none of the above examples fit people in your life than you DO NOT have groupies. If any of the above example pertain to you than YOU ARE A GROUPIE. Accept it and do what you will with it. *Kanye Shrug*