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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Non-Sugarcoated Stages of Grief in a Break Up

In talking with a friend, I was inspired to do this post. For most people, the grief of a break up is similar to what a person goes through when they experience a death. A break up is the death of "us" or it symbolizes the "death" of a person and how they used to be or who they once were.

Like everyone else, I have experienced a break up or two in my lifetime that was very heart wrenching, draining, and torturous.

On the internet, I found several breakdowns of "stages" of grief during a breakup and just felt they weren't real or detailed enough. The people have spoken. Y Sugarcoat things like this?

Please note that stages 2-4 usual can really happen in any order. Also people flip flop through these stages till they reach acceptance.

1. Denial/Excuses:

Your brain recognizes sh*t ain't right and its not going to change and needs to stop but your heart is still holding on to the person. You say one of the following:

A. "that's just the way he/she is"
B. "things will get better."
C. "if I would've done X the outcome would've been Y"
D. "he/she is just going through (fill in the blank)
E. "I'm overreacting, I'm sure everyone's man/woman does this...it could be worse.

You are turning to your "yes people"...the acquaintances that tell you whatever you want to hear except the truth.

2. Anger:
You now feel like somehow this person shafted you and you definitely next to get rid of them. Sometimes the anger may be directed at self because you're angry you allowed something this person has done to you to happen:

A. "she/he ain't sh*t anyway."
B. "after all we've been through they still did me like that/left?!"
C. " how could I be so stupid?! There were a million warning signs"

You are considering throwing bricks through windshields, blasting them on social networking, beating up their new girlfriend/boyfriend...yep psycho sh*t.

3. Bargaining:

This is when you hold onto whatever little hope you can that this relationship doesn't need to end:

A. "I mean we all make mistakes right? I f*cked up too."
B. "we've been together (insert some time frame that means long) we should be able to make this work"

(sidenote: time doesn't really mean sh*t. If someone has been mistreating you and you are dwelling on the good times that were 2 years ago, or they've been mistreating you equal or longer than they've been treating you good it's a wrap ok?)

C. "this is temporary or needs to happen for her/him to appreciate me" or the famous "if it's meant to be it will be in the future."

At this stage you are making emotionally unhealthy decisions like still having sex with the person, still buying them gifts, taking them on dates, and generally doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff with them in hopes this whole thing will blow over.

4. Depression:

You are now reminiscing on the good times, not sleeping, not eating, worrying about what the other person is doing and if they found someone else, feeling sorry for yourself, crying in the shower and for no reason, asking or believing that you will never feel this way about anyone ever again. Yep, we call this the suicide watch stage.

Once again you are on that emotionally unhealthy tip. You are drinking and smoking too much, eating too much, sleeping too much, going on dates just so you won't be alone, running through hoes just to make yourself feel better, having casual sex with people from your past, running the breakup story past your friends for the 30th time...general stuff you'll regret in 2 months.

5. Acceptance:

You are at peace with the break up. You want to move on with your life and wash your hands clean of the relationship and all the emotions tied with it. While you may not be 100% cool with seeing your ex with another person or even dating a new person you are at a healthy place where you can enjoy life again and be optimistic about the future.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! The stage where you go psycho and the stage where you still try to act as if you guys are together are so real. I'm going through a breakup rite now.


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