Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Boughetto: The New Class of Citizens
Turn on your TV, go to your local lounge, at your job...they are everywhere. There is a new class of citizens who seem to think they are refined and high-class but in actuality they are bougie and ghetto...hence the term Boughetto.
Think Phaedra Parks from the cast of Real Housewives of Atlanta. She swears up and down she is a lawyer who makes all this money and a Southern belle to boot, yet she wears glitter eyeshadow, married an ex convict, and let's just say that baby shower was a hot flaming charbroiled mess that she somehow considered to be elegant and about the arts. For God's sake she was wearing roses in her hair!
So we have developed signs to tell that you are in fact NOT just siddity, high class, or bougie...but Boughetto. Without further ado, here they are. Assess yourself accordingly:
1. You Think Moscato/White Zinfindel/Arbor Mist is Fine Wine:
Now Ray Ray will kill me because she loves Moscato...but that is not the ONLY thing she drinks. If the only wine that has ever been in a glass and touched your lips and gone down your throat is a glass of yellow tail moscato/ blueberry wine by Arbor Mist, or White Zinfindel...you may be boughetto. Proceed to number 2.
2. You Ask For Prices at the Bar Before You Order:
If you sit down at a bar and ask the bartender to run down a list of prices for every drink made and then have the nerve to want to send things back, complain about the bar being sticky, ask for extra cherries and garnishments, and tip real shitty...firstly you shouldn't be out because you are too broke to afford it...you are also boughetto. For whatever reason, you are under the impression that the siddity and rich have a highly developed and hard to please palate and act this way when they go to restaurants and bars which is not true. Proceed to number 3.
3. You Act Out When Going Out to Eat (examples included):
A. You go to a restaurant and order basic things like chicken alfredo or chicken fried rice and send it back to the kitchen 3 times. How on earth do you fuck up chicken alfredo or chicken fried rice that much? It's a basic dish just like your BASIC want to be siddity ass.
B. You order a food at fancy restaurant with a description "brazed tilapia garnished with greens" and when it comes out send it back to the kitchen because your boughetto ass seemed to think that collard greens were going to come out on your plate!
C. You send things back to the kitchen numerous times at places like Chili's or Applebee's as if that is the finest dining experience or something...just stop.
D. You don't know SHIT about meat temperatures. You get angry when you order your steak well done and there is absolutely NO pink in the meat.
4. You Are a Label Whore:
You don't wear things because they are attractive to you, you wear them so everyone knows how much money you have. You want the logo to be as big as possible and you don't want to "perpetrate" (an old school boughetto terminology used to describe when individuals are not wearing the same designer from head to toe). You may even wear things out of style or that are insanely ugly because they are designer. Proceed to number 5.
5. Flossing is More Important:
A. You think it's more important that you drive a BMW than having equity, life insurance, health insurance, 401K, escrow (grown folks shit). It doesn't matter to you that you live with your mom or in an apartment...you have two cars! You may even stoop as low as buying a 99' Benz just so you can say you drive a Benz. You have your car tricked out with things that if they get stolen you can not afford to replace.
B. Your hair and nails stay "did," you stay with designer jeans on, you have a ipad, all the bells and whistles...but at the same token you have acne, you are sloppy fat, you just can't seem to take care of basic necessities...you can buy $300 jeans but not $20 proactiv? You can get hit the salon and spend about $40 each week on your hair but you can't hit the gym and be a healthy weight so you can live longer? Proceed to Number 6
6. You Wear Things Inappropriately:
A. Why on earth are you wearing a full length fur at any time before 6pm? Why on earth are you wearing fur period when the temperatures and windchill are not in the teens?
B. Why are you running around with a 3 piece suit on looking like Dwight from Real Housewives of Atlanta to the mall?
Proceed to Number 7.
7. Those Aren't Designers/ You Live in a Rap Lyric:
If you think any of the following is high fashion designer goods you are fucking up:
Coach, Bebe, Polo (not Ralph Lauren), Ecko, Sean Jean, Baby Phat, Phat Farm, Tommy Hilfiger, House of Deron.
Or if the only designers you have ever heard of are Chanel, Gucci, Fendi, Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Prada, Christian Louboutin, or anything shouted out in rap lyrics than you may be Boughetto...have you heard of YSL, Tom Ford, Gianmarco Lorenzi, Escada, Pucci?
If any of the above applies to you, own up to it, accept it, and realize you are Boughetto. *kanye shrug*