It's the holidays. It's a time to reconnect and reminisce with people from your past...however...some people are just that...the past. How do you decide who you should attempt to contact and who you should just let be?
Let's just keep it real...some of the people you reach out to just don't want to see you. Here's a few questions to help you decide if you should contact someone visiting home for the holidays:
1. How Much Contact Have You Had With This Person?
If over the years, the extent of your contact has been solely through random social networking situations (ex: Happy Birthday!) or a few likes on a facebook status, their number is not saved in your phone and vice versa, it's safe to assume this person is not trying to build in time to catch a drink with you.
2. What Was Your History With This Person?
Let's face it...stuff happens...people loose contact with each other. However what was the reasoning for you all losing contact? Did you all used to date and go through a bad break up? Were you once friends but fell out for a serious offense? Although the altercation may have happened years ago, outside of the casual "hey how are you?"conversation when you run into them at holiday party, contacting them is unnecessary.
3. What is Going on in Their Current Life?
In the recent year, a ton of my friends lives have changed. One look on the facebook timeline of a person in their mid-20s will reveal news of engagements, babies, marriages, job promotions, big moves, traveling. All of the aforementioned effect this persons current interaction with friends. For example, if this person just got engaged and came into town with their new fiance, chances are they are probably more consumed with the euporhia of the recent engagement, showing their new fiance their hometown, and introducing the fiance to all members of the family...don't take offense if they don't have time to go to lunch with you.
4. How Long Are They/You in Town?
As young adults with careers, school, and other major commitments, our visits home are very short lived, usually 4 days or less, if you're lucky maybe a week. It's easy for someone coming home for the holidays to spread themselves thin between hanging with all their friends and family. Personal time constraints should not be forced on anyone. Don't take it personal. Maybe their schedule and yours don't mesh...it's not that serious...better luck next visit.
5. Why Would They Go on a "Date" With You?
The thing that KILLS me is when guys who have NEVER taken you out when you lived in the same city as them for upwards to 18 years feel the need to expect you to want to be ready and willing to give up precious limited time to go on a date with them when you come in town. Sir, you are not that major and you are not that fine. Get over yourself. If you throw an offer to take a lady out who is coming in town and she doesn't bite the bait...not even nibble it, let it go. Don't be forceful with it and don't be bitter about it because that's thirsty and thirst isn't cute.