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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Signs Your Favorite Club Is "Over"

In Atlanta, our clubs change with seasons. The same club a visitor may have attended that was "hott" in 2010 may not even be open or a spot that people frequent in 2011.

Here are some signs your favorite club's expiration date is approaching:

1. Metal Detectors Are in Full Effect:

This means that the "pat down" no longer works...people are either mirking people in your favorite spot or the owner knows the "new crowd" is bout that life.

2. Things are Confiscated In Order for Your Entry:

The quick glance in the purse is now a memory. The security throughly goes through all your belongings including zipper enclosures in your wallet! Combs with long sharp handles must now be left in the car or tossed at the door, your birth control pills or Aleve must be left in the car so it is not mistaken for ecstasy or other narcotics....these are signs that shit is getting real.

3. The DJ Is A Member of Security:

Along with the big burly men in black that often times take their jobs to seriously, the DJs spinning is interrupted by his/her attempts to calm down a fight in the back of the room over the mic.

4. The Crowd Looks Strange:

Women your mothers age are in line wearing items from their 17 year old daughters closet or fashions you once admired in the movie Clueless. Men are spotted wearing FUBU jerseys or suit jackets with jeans (notice we did not say blazers)...yeah jackets from their 9-5 suit with jeans...Girbauds. You may also notice some Nike heels on several club patrons. In addition women are dancing with their shoes off.

5. The Free Entry is Unrealistic:

You once got in the club for free before 12...somehow the free before 12am has changed to free before 10pm.

6. Drink Specials:

The bar is promoting drink specials on Nuevo.

7. Hosting:

The star studded host are replaced by D-list celebrities. The Saturday night host consist of names like Real from "Real Chance of Love", New York Pollard, Any reality personality who was featured on a season past 2010, Foxy Brown...you get the picture right?

8. Club Photographer:

There is no longer an event photographer who takes pictures of the scene so that it can be featured on the city's premiere night life picture site, but an actual backdrop where you and you homegirl can take squatting pictures in front of an airbrushed Cadillac Escalade sitting on 28's with a phrase like "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"...oh and if you want a copy it will be $5...cash only.

9. Cash Only Bar:

Need we say more? Put that useless platinum Visa away.

10. Ridiculous Club Contest:

If you are the woman with the "biggest booty" you have a shot at winning a gift certificate for you and your homegirl for Glady's Knights Chicken and Waffles or a gift certificate to Red Lobster.

1 comment:

  1. this shit is hilarious and so true! bahahahaha


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