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Saturday, December 11, 2010

Therapy Session: Playing House

So we recently got an email that invokes a controversial conversation on an interesting topic...shacking up, playing house, etc. See below:

"Ok tell me if I'm wrong. I live with my girlfriend and up until this point we have both been paying bills. We are currently financially strapped because I recently got a DUI and had to pay for all the court fees, and fines on top of all the bills we already have together. Just this week she comes home talking about "I'm sick of that bitch (her supervisor) so I quit my job! I'm just gonna find a new one" HOW COULD SHE BE SO STUPID?! I think I might leave her. Am I wrong?

---Shacking Up in ATL"

The topic of shacking up and playing house is a tricky one. It's tricky because you all are essentially acting as a married couple without actually being married so it is hard to decipher what types of financial responsibilities you all should be obligated to take on together and which ones you should not. But let me ask you sir, what were your intentions with this girl that you are living with? Do you plan on ever marrying her? If so, you may want to file this situation in your memory Rolodex when thinking about her financial prowess and how that could effect you all if and when you do decide to get married...however, leaving her because of this is wrong. The reasons it is wrong is because you just stated a double standard.
1. You all were already financially strapped because of YOUR DUI and she did not leave you yet.
2. I'm sure she did not quit her job out of the malice of her heart (immaturity yes, but not malice)

With that being said you all should have a talk about how BOTH of you are causing stress to the finances and how BOTH of you need to do better or work this out. Maybe you all should consider living apart so that you are not bringing each other down and move back in together when you all are more stable. It's hard to stay with someone who is a financially burden to you especially when you are still filing single on your taxes and have no legal binding contract such as a marriage that calls for you to let them bring you down. If you are not ready to take on the responsibility of thinking about how your financial decisions could effect someone else then YOU SHOULD NOT BE LIVING TOGETHER. It's that simple.


1. Why Are You All Living Together?

Are you living together because you eventually want to marry this person? Are you living together because you love being around this person? Are you doing it just to do it? As previously stated, if you are going to live with someone be prepared to take on some financial responsibilities together and life responsibilities in general. You may not want to place yourself in this situation if this is temporary and not long term.

2. Living Together Could Damage Your Relationship:

When living with someone you can find out a lot about them. However, in some instances you could put extra strain on your relationship. Maybe you all will start feeling you do not have enough personal space (especially in small apartments)? The excitement could be taken from your relationship and your interactions could become like chores (we do these things because we live together).

3. The Old Saying Can Often Be True, "Why Buy the Cow When the Milk is Free?"

Men like sports because they like competition and uncertainty of the outcome...it's the thrill of the chase, it's the excitement. Maybe if he knows you will be home daily at 6pm, cook meatloaf, and you all will have sex it just gets old. It's nice to have female companionship, a woman cooking and cleaning for you, doing your laundry, and having regular sex so why take it to the next level? (this brings us back to point 1...everyone should be clear on why you all are living together make sure the proposed result of you living together is what you both want).

When Should You Live With A Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
When a wedding date is set or you are enagaged
To consolidate bills
When you are in love
Because you want to be around each other all the time
All of the above are good reasons
pollcode.com free polls


  1. Wait. People live together simply to consolidate bills? That's some dumb broke shit. Get a second job if you need help with your bills, don't move in with someone for this reason alone. SMH!

  2. times are hard! dem bills gotta get paid! LOL!


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