The Ex-Factor

My ex broke with me in October over a few things and she has been pretty for sure about not working stuff out and we haven't seen each other since the break up. I asked her to go on a cruise with me for my graduation present and she said yes. We had a talk about some stuff and I know she is dating some guys casually. She told me that she doesn't think she will find another guy who will be as considerate and responsive to her needs and genuinely cares about her. I even bought her gifts for her birthday as if we are still together..do you think she is sincere? Is she using me? Is its a good idea to go on the cruise with her?

Do you like punishing yourself? Because going with her on the cruise is EXACTLY what that would be doing. If she really felt that she "won't find another guy who will be as considerate and responsive to her needs and genuinely cares about her as much as you do," then she would be with you or you all would be working it out! If someone loves someone they would do ANYTHING to be with them. Sounds like she is making you an option while you are making her a priority. She is saving you like an ace in her back pocket a card game incase those other guys she is dating don't pan out. She is also getting the convience of having a boyfriend without all the strings attached (i.e. vacations and b-day gifts). If she really was fully sincere she wouldn't string you along or accept gifts from you if she didn't feel it was not gonna go anywhere. If you really want to go on the cruise with her you have two options to protect your own heart.

A. Tell her that you obviously still love her and care for her but that your feelings deserve some respect so she needs to tell you if she sees a future between you or she wants to work things out. If she says "I dunno" or "no"...don't do it. Going a cruise with her with your heart on your sleeve will be like touching a boiling pot in the kitchen just to see if it's hot. You see the water bubbling, you see the stove is red, but you just need to get burnt to confirm it's hot...and obviously getting burnt hurts VERY VERY bad.

B. Let it burn if you can't handle what she may or may not say in response to you asking her those questions.

You need to take control of your own happiness. It is possible she still cares about you but it's not sounding like her feelings are as deep as your own. While you may still love her with all your heart you need to protect your own feelings. Love is not easy, but it's not supposed to be painful and hurt.

Good Luck,

T